December 22nd 2016


Growing up, I wasn’t allowed to watch kissing scenes;

No kissing scenes, no sex scenes, and I was conditioned to gasp at cussing.

I never thought twice about the act because what was there to think? 2013 I was a greasy, cynical pre-teen with a bowl cut. Acne was culturing madly all across my face and I used to believe being a jerk to pretty girls and having catch phrases was cool.

That wasn’t going to happen to me anytime soon.

As it’s 2016, I like to believe I’ve changed a bit as a person. I like to believe I’m a lovelier being to associate with and that I look easily three times better, haha.

December 20th, he drove me to pep band. I mess with him too much, to the extent I feel I’m being unfair to him. He tries to keep his distance near me because yes, he’s very older. Not like old enough to be my dad, but you know that silly divide by two and add 7 and thats how old you’ve gotta be to date and it not be weird? We don’t fit that rule. I don’t care.

Down the road I feel hot and red in the face.

I feel sexy. I feel beautiful, amazing.

We’re in front of the school. It’s all a blur now, it happened yesterday…

But I remember he leaned in. I was scared and I hugged him…

He kissed my cheek and chuckled. He held me and kissed my neck.

Take two: our foreheads are touching and I gaze into his magic emerald eyes. His lips are parted and expose the cutest, crooked bottom teeth. I’m sure I mentioned somewhere I didn’t know what to do. He leans in and I remember as I closed my eyes I thought:

‘ Let him do it. You love him and you trust him. It’s what you’ve been waiting for. ‘

I parted my lips the tiniest bit and I can feel it. His soft lips latch on mine. Sucking on me. Moistness. I feel his tongue demand entrance. I’m frozen solid. But he’s breathing hard and I’m trying to compose myself, just a little. I use my right hand and twirl a little of his hair on my finger. Hold his head in my hand. I don’t remember breaking away…

I didn’t want to.

I’m giggling because I’m crazy. I feel hotter, redder.

Pinch me, did it really happen? Yes Josa, you idiot. It really did. Not a dream.

I didn’t think it’d be so momentous. It was like I saw a holy apparition.

Let’s just say, I had a pretty alright time at pep band after…



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