October 16th 2016

Today, I cried over cabbage.

Yes, I mean the green leafy orb.

No, it didn’t break up with me or call me ugly.

I was bottling up all this stress over the course of a month and because I quit band

– this isn’t a typo, I really did it-

I thought life was going to magically become easier. The load became lighter in the sense that I now have nine hours of sleep and time to eat food, however mentally I’m not in an ideal place.

Crying over cabbage tonight was my big red flag.

I had this feeling that because I couldn’t cook this stupid thing into some beautiful comfort food, I sucked at cooking.

Today, I picked up my little violin from 6th grade and I gave up trying to learn Vivaldi’s L’inverno. I sucked at this one piece, sight reading on an instrument too small for my hands that I assumed I sucked at music.

I text my teddy bear today and when I read back at my messages I get so frustrated because he’s hung up on a girl that isn’t me. I think to myself, “I’m not good enough.”

I shouldn’t feel this way, it’s so difficult to be depressed over something so dumb. I just feel like a big

B L A H.

Why do I feel so frustrated with myself? I like to believe I’m pretty. I like to believe I’m musical, or intelligent. I like to believe I’m loved. If not by my teddy bear, then by someone, A N Y O N E!

I don’t know what to do. Like hell I’m gonna sign up for a cooking class. Trying to find someone to go on a date with is too hard. I can’t sleep all day or stare at a wall and sort myself out.

 

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